I showed him my bush... on skype.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
