3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Blood and glitter go together right?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
