I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
