Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
