hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
