Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
