I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
