I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
