omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
