at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I lost the right to judge tonight
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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