can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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