According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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