You made me cry and you don't even care
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
