I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
