i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
