i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
