I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
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I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
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Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.