Duck Duck Cougar?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
