thanks...oh and i got my period
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.