Texts From Last Night

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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus

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  (540): I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus http://tfl.nu/qqxc
  Replies (38) Good night (1231) Bad night (4090)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"

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  (610): my new favorite insult= "thundercunt" http://tfl.nu/7c82
  Replies (48) Good night (4154) Bad night (648)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one

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  (336): A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one http://tfl.nu/284v
  Replies (25) Good night (8035) Bad night (746)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.

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  (410): she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby. http://tfl.nu/u78i
  Replies (55) Good night (809) Bad night (6593)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.

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  (816): Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete. http://tfl.nu/oev7
  Replies (20) Good night (4106) Bad night (1429)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.

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  (402): Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself. http://tfl.nu/fedc
  Replies (23) Good night (6018) Bad night (683)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"

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  (613): She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo" http://tfl.nu/ucwd
  Replies (8) Good night (3200) Bad night (878)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.

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  (301): no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue. http://tfl.nu/bg75
  Replies (4) Good night (1810) Bad night (794)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.

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  (606): after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls. http://tfl.nu/ni37
  Replies (17) Good night (5572) Bad night (836)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night

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  (613): Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night http://tfl.nu/lkdl
  Replies (4) Good night (1519) Bad night (460)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.

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  (601): I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked. http://tfl.nu/gydy
  Replies (7) Good night (1568) Bad night (470)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.

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  (520): Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today. http://tfl.nu/5rxw
  Replies (2) Good night (500) Bad night (263)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Helmets.

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  (616): We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids? (609): Helmets. http://tfl.nu/n1xg
  Replies (6) Good night (1021) Bad night (248)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville

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  (217): I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville http://tfl.nu/saxt
  Replies (0) Good night (854) Bad night (194)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad

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  (502): like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad http://tfl.nu/fybr
  Replies (1) Good night (503) Bad night (284)

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