I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine