we have officially lost it.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
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she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
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Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.