You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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