Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
