I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
