i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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