I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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