Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
