i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
