I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
