I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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