Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
