she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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