When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
