I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
