just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
