I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
