porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
