ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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