i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
