I accidentally had phone sex last night
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
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College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
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Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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