i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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