Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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