the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
