im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
