that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
