he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
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Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
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you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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