So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Randomize
