Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
