I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
