And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
