i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize