3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
