Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
