tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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