trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
