my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.