Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom