are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?