Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
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When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
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I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.