and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
