I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
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I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
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I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.