Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(713): View more from Texas

we have officially lost it.

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(989): View more from Michigan

I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.

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(607): View more from New York

Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.

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(248): View more from Michigan

so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(651): View more from Minnesota

I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.

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(614): View more from Ohio

Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is

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(775): View more from Nevada

We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men

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