im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline