She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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