Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
