i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
