Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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