yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
