bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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