what day is it and did you see me today?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
