Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
