So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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