we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
false alarm. still invincible.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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