i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
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