Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
we made out on top of his cat.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
