it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
