if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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