Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
