my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My dick has a subreddit
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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